Three and half years ago, I got Metaplastic Breast Cancer. I thought I would die and living to the age of 40 would be a dream. But tomorrow I will be 40 and I feel that I have achieved and reached a milestone. I might still not have much hair (it didn't want to come back after chemo). But at 40 - I am more at peace with myself and my life than ever before.
However, my delight at being alive is plighted by an uprising of discontent in one of the most important things that I do. For the past three years I have been running a support group for women with Metaplastic Breast Cancer.
I attempted to please everyone within the support group. However, I quickly found that with this aggressive cancer – you can’t please everyone. Worse than that, many women die very quickly. So, for the past three years I have been sending books to girls with stage 4 cancer, calling them and helping them word last words and memories for their loved ones.
These attempts were not intended to be acts of amazing kindness. I don’t want a Noble Peace Prize and they were not supposed to be dismissive of people’s feelings. I figured that by being kind and supporting to girls I would get back in my life somehow.
Either my cancer would never come back or God would bless my children... I don’t know. But giving back from cancer – is in itself its own therapy.
But unfortunately, cancer is overwhelming. It can cause people to be upset, blame and often do things that are negative. This week – has been one of the most tiring and stressful in my life. I have had to remove girls from the cancer group. Some girls without cancer and some girls with cancer. I am not proud of this – but negativity is addictive. It is also a poison.
One women wanted me to make money from the group. Another wanted to do research while women were writing about pain and METS and fear. I couldn’t stomach some of the comments and I was overwhelmed with how inconsiderate some people could be.
Then I got this comment posted on my wall about me.
XXXX wrote: "EGO and Megalomania are the two single most destructive forces of human nature! I just got kicked out of a 'cancer support group' (yeah, chuckle away friends :)), because the woman who founded it is an insecure, petty control freak, focused more on her own interests than on helping others. So sad when things like this happen, especially in a community that should be driven by a single cause - that to end cancer! You guys know me well, and I'm sure can imagine how truly disturbing I find that kind of behaviour. (and here I thought at my age nothing would surprise me anymore :))! The kicker is, these people say they pray..., to whom, the God of self-worship?? Think about it for a second, what is more unChristian than to kick a cancer patient out of a support group?? I'm now thinking of those car bumper-stickers that say "what would Jesus do?". Well, not this Bena Roberts! Not this!"
At first I was upset. But now I am not. This is cancer. It makes girls scared and do things that are not nice. It is a culmination of fear and the unknown. I forgive the girl who wrote it. I wish her peace and health. But more than that – I realise that I have my work cut out for me. As the group grows to over 300 – there are going to be bigger mountains to climb. Different challenges to face. I hope that I can learn to be at peace with the girls, cancer and the forum and to stay strong ..... well into my 40’s.... to try and educate and help anyone with Metaplastic Breast Cancer.
That's awful that this happened to you and thanks for your courage to delete that person and carry on!!! again so sorry that happened to you.
Posted by: Susie T Szembek | September 21, 2018 at 01:30 PM