Brown, burnt and hurt

 This picture is of the top of my breast.  The top is my normal skin. Below is on the side of my breast, the blue mark is where the cancer was.  
  

 I would have taken a picture of my whole breast but my lovely Uncle PBs came to visit and mention that I had used the word SEX in my blog.  I was worried he might have a heart attack if I took a picture of my whole boob!

The radiation treatment in Darmstadt Klinikum has been great.  Proffeser Kober and Dr. Born are very good... But, I am extremely burnt. 

All skin is different and the doctors seem to be baffled at why a brown person is extremely burnt.  They are looking for definitive answers – but there aren’t any.  I have tried to explain that my family has had a problem with the sun and I have had Eczema all my life.  But they didn’t listen.  I mentioned my cousin Alka who is white as white can be and how skin allergy has been common.  I even explained how I think the nine months of this strange rash on my body and cortisone injections and tablets probably caused my cancer. ....

What frustrates me about doctors and hospitals is that; Doctors think they know.  You fill out 21 forms and questionnaires to get radiation... but is anything on the form actually read or listened too? 

I don’t think so.  Treatment is standard based on the type of cancer and negative reactions are treated with shock.

Earlier this week my radiation was reduced to a lower level, but it hasn’t helped.  I am in agony.  I am now on drugs again to help with the burning 2x 3 per day – but it’s too little too late.  

 

What are my concerns:

1.    If I stop the treatment I might have to do the whole radiation again

2.    If I keep going I might be so burnt that I will regret it

3.    If keep going on the lower radiation the whole treatment might last longer

 

 

Now, I don’t want to do the whole thing again.  Radiation is draining on the soul. It hammers your emotions going and sitting in the same room every day watching the same people.  In Germany as well no one speaks to you.  It’s a very cold, emotional pace to be every day.

 

But I say that with caution.  I am still happy to have had radiation and to fight this terrible disease. I am just so tired now.  I feel like I am at the end of my battle and I want it to be over.  But the burning is not allowing me to sleep so I feel stressed and vulnerable. I am already emotional and I just need a break.

I just phoned the hospital this morning and said I am not going in today.  They are not happy but I need a break and sometimes the patient has to be right.

Comments

[Creativegeek]

Hey B

Hang in there mate, thinking of you and sending you lots of strength and determination. Words aren't much I know but they are meant.

Be good to yourself,

Rob

[kumari bowry]

my dearest bena,

thank you for sharing your feelings and showing the boob. I am sending you all my love and care and energy . you have the right to take a break. keep writing and helping others who are reading your blog. Lots of hugs and kisses to ian kintan and isha and of course you.

love kumari aunty