Half way through radiation therapy

Only about 17 radiation therapies left to go!  I had my 19^th today.

Radiation is not as bad as chemotherapy, but there is a radical difference.

During chemo I felt like my body was being torn apart.  During radiation, my boobs are burning – but it is manageable. What isn’t manageable is my mood swings.  I fear I have depression again.  One minute I am happy the next – at the slightest comment I can be crying like a baby.

This only started after about the 15th radiation treatment.  Before that I didn't have any problems.

My mother tells me, “I need to control depression” and “if you want to stop crying you can” – but it is not that easy.

I am trying to meditate a bit to try and calm down when I do get emotional –but tears are falling easily.

I will have a chat to Professor Kober tomorrow.  He is the Head of the Radiation department at Darmstadt and speaks perfect English –which is such a bonus. 

Weight Update:

So now I have lost 8.8 pounds exactly 4 kg. 

Comments

[kumari bowry]

dearest Bena,
Tears are emotions and do not look at it as depression. Let tears fall down sometimes they are of joy and sometimes of sadness. Let it be. Anyway 8lbs loss is wonderful May laughter come to you very soon. lots of hugs and may you radiate with bliss.

love you

kumari aunty

[Olivia Gibney]

Dear Bena

With all that you're going through, it's hardly surprising you get depressed and tearful at times, don't beat yourself up about it. You sound remarkably upbeat most of the time on this blog but I guessed that you don't always feel that way. Anyway, losing a few pounds is always a bit cheering (although I can think of easier ways of doing it!)
lots of love, Olivia xx

[bena roberts]

thank-you Kumari aunty - I hope the plan is helping you too.
thank-you Olivia - warm hugs and I appreciate you thinking of me -
bena